By Saffiyah Coker, Staff Writer, May 2020
Dear Senior Spring,
I’ve found that putting into words all my thoughts and emotions about losing you has been one of the hardest things that I’ve had to do. It’s hard to miss something that you’ve never gotten to experience in the first place. Senior spring has always been a concept. A time to live in our youth. The feeling of limitlessness. You’re standing with your best friends seeing your future laid out in front of you. All there is left to do is enjoy those last three months.
Senior Spring is a time to feel invincible where teenagers wear our youth like armor. But why did no one tell us that our senior spring would be filled with vulnerability? None of us accounted for entering a new phase of our lives during a global pandemic. Sometimes I feel guilty for still wanting you with the world falling apart. I feel a sense of hopelessness because my version of the world no longer makes sense.
You were the one constant that I was looking forward to. You were there before college was definite. Senior Spring, you were the goal that I strove towards. But you were more than just a prize. You were supposed to be an unforgettable time in my life in the most memorable place. A fleeting moment of invincibility. I longed to experience my senior spring with rose-tinted glasses. But rose-tinted glasses do not ease the amount of loss and pain that the world is feeling.
When I close my eyes I can still see the impulsive afternoon trips to Ron’s Ice Cream, the team dinners full of laughs, the conversations in Shattuck with treasured teachers, and the greens and blues of campus. The little moments add up to the most treasured memories. Sitting outside with your class, heads crowded together in an intense discussion. The breakfasts, lunches, and dinners on the Castle Terrace, filling your lungs with the smell of freshly cut grass and the blooming flowers. Getting to know someone in the last twenty days of school and wishing you had a lot sooner. Three a.m. bedtimes, high school stress, papers, tests, and hard work have all led up to the April and May of our senior year.
Sadness during senior spring is typically bittersweet. The final months are used to make peace with leaving a special place. The sadness that accompanies my Senior Spring, however, is a deep sense of loss. A longing for the people that you are unable to be with and the places that you are unable to see.
I’m scared of being stuck in my senior year of high school. How can I make peace with leaving a place that I never got the chance to say goodbye to? I will always feel deeply tied to Nobles, but not in the way that I had anticipated. The constant thought of what could have been seems to follow me everywhere. I’m afraid of only being able to think of what could have been. Senior Spring, how am I supposed to move on from you?
We are now supposed to jump into the unknown, the next phase of our lives, without ever getting a chance to say goodbye. I wish there was a course where we could’ve learned how to deal with life’s curveballs. Nobles will always be my home, only one that I must part with sooner than anticipated. While my time with you was cut short, I take comfort in knowing that 10 Campus Drive will always be there for me.
Missing you, Saffiyah Coker