By Kathryn Cloonan, Staff Writer, May 2020
Helen Cui (Class IV) wore a nice pair of new pants and decided to recite an English Villanelle (a type of poem) on her backyard terrace. True or False?
Valerie Lane (Class VI) baked a cake. True or False?
Bronwyn Jensen (Class I) developed an extremely rare talent that puts her at an “advantage among the human race” (yes, these were her exact words) that is almost too disturbing to share. She learned how to have vivid visions while in deep sleep. True or False?
Skiing legend Zach Myers (Class IV) is an adventurous soul and thought he would try his luck at venturing out to a tiny island in the middle of a river that had about a five-foot radius. Sadly, Myers was then tackled into the river by his dog. True or False?
On a dark, rainy afternoon, Noah Janfaza (Class I) was riding his bike with his father when he suddenly saw something strange. He swears he has never seen a stranger thing. It caused him to crash his bike and lose his father in the rain. After crashing, he realized the thing was following him and he had to run for his life. True or False?
Caroline Finnerty (Class II) is now a licensed blackbelt. True or False?
Tuukka Rask visited Niki Apostolicas (Class II)’s house and had a stimulating conversation with Niki’s mother. True or False?
Melanie Morales Alvarez (Class IV) was a first-hand witness to a crime. Staying inside her house like the wise girl she is, she heard a policeman knock on her door. The man was searching for a missing girl, but that was not the crime. This officer was not wearing a mask. And he was hideous! True or False?
Tulasi Vithiananthan (Class III) taught her nine-year-old brother how to skateboard. True or False?
Lauren Young (Class I) discovered her powers of necromancy and revived two old animals, Selenastarme the penguin and Cupcake the chihuahua, from the dead. True or False?
Cate Murray (Class III) was an upstanding citizen and went door-to-door selling the toilet paper she had saved up in her house just for a situation like quarantine. True or False?
False: Cui was actually reciting a soliloquy in— get this— a dress! *insert audible gasp here*
False: Lane wishes she had baked a cake, but she did learn how to hop like a bunny rabbit on a bike (I’m pretty sure that’s what a “bunny hop on a bike” is) and wasted an incredible amount of time scrolling through her text messages to find the first one.
False: Unfortunately, all Jensen did was faint one day. She doesn’t even remember what her vision was. Pathetic.
True: The Myers dog must’ve just thought Zach to be utterly parched or in the mood for a swim.
False: This is actually just a scene from Stranger Things because Janfaza claimed the most bizarre, crazy thing to happen to him in quarantine is riding his bike. I don’t care if it was pouring, Noah –– it’s still boring.
True: Finnerty is kicking serious booté. On Club Penguin.
True: And Apostolicas was asleep. Like a fool.
True: Do people have no respect for the eyesight of others anymore?
False: Vithiananthan’s nine-year-old brother tried to teach her how to skateboard, but it is unclear whether he succeeded or not given her repeated falling.
True: Lauren was able to revive her Club Penguin and Webkinz accounts, saving both of these amazing animals from the afterlife.
False: Murray sadly does not have a secret toilet paper stash she could have used.